It’s spring vacation time, and I use the “vacation” term loosely. Here are just a few of the highlights:
1. Getting clocked in the nose with a wooden Barbie bed. See, my daughter likes to have the better items in her house, like the fancy couch and the better looking Ken. And I get stuck with the crusty old dolls, or the rainbow sleeping bag, in this case, instead of the bed. When I surreptitiously put the big wooden canopy in my Barbie house, hoping she wouldn’t she notice, she yelled “That’s mine!” and yanked it out, cutting the bridge of my nose and bruising it. Wearing a band-aid with grease from the Neosporin seeping through on the arch of my noise is #sonothot. I looked like I got a nose job on the sly.
2. Intended to go grocery shopping (note the word “intended”) for the first time in like two weeks, because the condiments outnumbered the food items. But I had to divert paths, because of the #StopandShop strike. Was going to go to Shaw’s instead, which I usually avoid because it makes me depressed. I go to Shaw’s when I look like crap and don’t want to run into anyone. It’s like that clandestine spot where you’d go to have an affair in the bread aisle. No one would know. Though, I would rather have an affair in that International foods aisle, if I had my druthers, so it would feel like I was at least on vacation in Spain or India, not just in Shaw’s.
3. Decided to call a landscaper to clean up my yard, because I pulled a muscle and can’t move from raking. I was simply helping my to son rake leaves, which was really his chore so he could earn some #Fortnite V-bucks. But now I have a pinched nerve on my shoulder and have to do a full body turn if someone calls. Remember that woman in Sixteen Candles with the neck brace at the water fountain?
Good thing I have a swivel chair in my office. I think I might see if I can sneak this home and use it all the time this weekend. Do you think it’d be weird if I was in a swivel chair in church on Easter, instead of in a pew? I couldn’t very well kneel. And I’d probably take up a lot of room in the aisle and mess up the whole Easter procession. Anyway, back to the REASON I was even raking in the first place is so my son could earn his V-bucks for his video game. I need to teach him the value of a dollar! In case you don’t know what V-bucks are, it’s like video game money that basically seeps out of your bank account and ends up nowhere. I may as well just flush dollars down the toilet. The other day, as we sat in the sun on the deck, my son said, “Guess how much you spent on V-bucks so far?” He was smiling. I took a gulp of wine and lobbed out a number, like I was on Price is Right. “$400?” I said, hoping to God it wasn’t that high. “No, more,” he said, chuckling. “$600?” I said. “More,” he said, laughing more emphatically. I will end that bit here.