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Motivation, Uncategorized

#MeTime: When Being Selfish Isn’t Bad

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I want to be selfish. Is that a bad thing? Is that unfeminine of me to suggest that I just want to think about me for a change, kids aside, and not a partner?

Like I said, I will always put my children first. But, after that, there’s now gonna be me.

Me, myself and I.

There’s a sort of song in that. “Me…Myself…and I…” I can hear it now and begin to tap my feet.

Yeah, it feels kind of good to say it, not in a female empowerment, Gloria Steinem-kind of way. Rather, I just want to look out for numero uno for a bit. Like, if I want to eat crackers and cheese for dinner, I’m gonna do that, instead of making you a meal. And, if I want to go for a run on my free time, I’m gonna do that instead of rush to be by your side on your schedule. I’m also going to watch what I want on television and have the temperature in the room at night set to me-degrees. I am going to drive how I want, albeit defensively, and I’m going to order what I want at the restaurant.

I am going to do me.

I am tired of compromise. My schedule is so tight that there’s very little room in it– for me. Perhaps I will find a dot on my google calendar for just me, instead of the various other activities, meetings and events I must attend.

I will set the Google event called “ME” to have a reminder, every day, all day, to not forget ME. Alert!

I have forgotten me a lot over the years, sometimes only leaving a shell that looks like me but lies dormant beneath. I remember many years back, in a former relationship, a peer of mine said to me, “You look sat upon.”

Sat upon.

I will never forget that, as it resonated clearly. I hadn’t seen it before, but I felt it. The Princess and the Pea, and I was the pea under 100 mattresses.  I went home that night, and late-night, wrote a Facebook post  that read: I feel sat upon.

I waited a second; I got nervous; I deleted it.

But, the next day, as I walked through town, a friend pulled her car over to the side of the road and yelled through the window, ‘”You all right? You’re Sat Upon??” I had been discovered, outed, for the moments before I deleted it and hid.

I don’t feel that way any longer. And I’ve had time to be me, without the weight of others overbearing me. But now is my time to be selfish. I’m sorry for that. Wait, no, sorry I’m not sorry. I hate that saying–it sounds so selfish.

Hah.

That’s me! Selfish.  Maybe we all need a little me, myself and I time in our lives.

 

 

Thoughts

Man Bun Doll: Hot or Not-And what he comes with!

man bun

As if it isn’t bad enough when you see it emerging from a man’s head like a giraffe nub, now we have it on a doll: the man bun.

“Ew! That’s disgusting,” my daughter screeched when she stumbled upon “Outdoorsy Boy” in the Faux-American-Girl doll section of the store.

I couldn’t believe it! Nestled in between Zoey and Madeline, the man bun lurked.

What happened to Dapper Dan or Raggedy Andy?  Now we have Outdoorsy Boy? And what does that name even mean? I know my old Cabbage Patch Kid doll smelled like cornflower. Does Outdoorsy Boy smell like B.O. or camp smoke?

This leads me to wonder: what else comes with Outdoorsy Boy…? So I had to make a list of suggestions.

Perhaps he could come with a beat-up old Saab that he drives with Grateful Dead dancing bears stickers on the back.

He could have a copy of Into the Wild on the driver’s seat as a caveat not to eat any berries and die suddenly in an old school bus he’s sleeping in.

He could also have his Dad’s Visa card, because he doesn’t need a job, and he still lives on the dole. It’s fun to be “outdoorsy” when you don’t have to report into work every day.

He could sport a tin of Skoal mouth dip and a receipt for his Phish tickets.

Oh, and he definitely needs a pair of clogs or something that no one else would have the balls to wear, except hot man bun dude. Actually, scratch that: he’s barefoot, even in stores that say, “No shirt, no shoes, no service,” cause he goes by “no rules.”

He could have a cell phone with the digits of seven different women he’s dating, none of whom he will commit to, because he wants to have self-care and be a ramblin’ man. He only needs these chicks for when he couch surfs and doesn’t make plans.

Plans? He doesn’t come with plans. Plans are for suckers.

He might have a journal with a couple of Haikus scribbled down:

Outdoorsy Boy

Green, Hot, Ripe

Outdoorsy Boy

He’s deep. And his man bun proves it.

He has a few coffee cups strewn about on his floor from his latest job as a barista. But he quit after one shift, feeling the weight and pressure of society upon his manly, hairy shoulders.

Come to think of it, maybe he IS kind of hot.

Perhaps he needs Outdoorsy Girl! Stay tuned for that one…

#marriage, #relationships, Uncategorized

An Epiphany: The Pina Colada Song is All Sorts of Wrong!

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My daughter found an old iPad with only three songs on it, one of which is Escape, better known as “The Pina Colada Song.” This has always been a favorite of mine, particularly for karaoke, as I know all the words. But, the more we listened to it this weekend, over and over, the more I thought, “What a horrid message is in this song. I hate this couple!”

I mean, think about it: He was “tired of his lady; they’d been together too long…” So “while she lay there sleeping,” he buys a personal ad looking for love. Like, why can’t he just watch Bachelor in Paradise or something, like I do, when I’m home on the couch looking for romance? (I guess this ad is the equivalent of swiping on Tinder or Bumble–without a photo. Can you imagine??).  Then, fast forward to meeting her on the blind date at O’Malley’s the next day and realizing it’s his tired old ball and chain.

And this is part where I am utterly incredulous!

He says, “Oh, it’s you!”

That’s it? That’s all he has to say?

And it gets worse: then they both LAUGHED for a moment and said, “I never knew…(hit loud music) …that you liked Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain…”

Okay, stop right here. Screeeeeeech!

Seriously. Who would, like, shrug and just say, “Oh my GOSH! I never knew!” (insert hair flip and head back guffawing) when they saw their disgruntled old spouse show up for the date?

I’d be like, “Oh hell ‘naw!” and toss that pina colada in his face! Then, I’d tell him to pack his bags, and that he best like getting caught in the rain-cause he’s gonna be out in ithomeless. Pack your galoshes.

Not to mention, I’d be pissed that I was looking for some hottie, and it was my same old spouse that I was sick of! (But that’s not the point. The point is that he has no business being sick of ME! Am I right?)

It’s just not realistic.

But, perhaps, this is why it’s called Escape. It’s an escape from reality. Except that this couple was just planning to run off with the person from the personal ad. Which, ya know, if you like a good pina colada and making love in the dunes of the cape isn’t such a bad idea…except it IS making love at midnight, and that’s kinda late…Just saying.

Anyway.

In case you forgot the words:
“I was tired of my lady, we´d been together too long
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read
“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you´re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I´m the love that you´ve looked for, write to me, and escape”
I didn´t think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I´m nobody´s poet, I thought it wasn´t half bad
“Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
I´m not much into health food, I am into champagne
I´ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O’Malley’s, where we´ll plan our escape”
So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, “Oh, it´s you”
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, “I never knew”
“That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
You´re the love that I´ve looked for, come with me, and escape”
“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you´re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I’m the love that you’ve looked for, come with me, and escape”
Songwriters: Rupert Holmes
Escape (The Pina Colada Song) lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

 

#escape #pinacolada #relationships

Motivation, Self-Help, Thoughts

When Stillness Stings

I was just reading that we should all find an hour in our day–find it, steal it,  covet it, and make the time for it–to disconnect in some way from our stress and hyper-connectivity. We should seek out a pond, go for a walk, read a book, meet a friend, or actually stop to smell the flowers, as trite as that sounds. In fact, just the other day, I stopped to smell a white hydrangea, and then I noticed that there was a wasp on it. And I thought, “Really? This is what happens when I stop to smell the flowers? I get stung by a wasp?”

And maybe that’s the point! Stay with me here…

Maybe we keep this maniacal pace, filling our days with 40 hour work weeks, kids’ activities and carpools, gym workouts, Facebook postings, and phone swiping just so that we don’t get STUNG by what lurks beneath: what happens when we are still.

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Photo by Suneo1999 on Pexels.com

When we are, emotions surface, thoughts pervade, lists unravel, daydreaming happens. Some of this can be quite positive and inspirational, like the dream of a family camping trip (well, no, scratch that–that sounds miserable and sticky; I’m already itching); or the dream of having a baby or finally mastering the guitar. Conversely, these emerging thoughts can be dark, even scary, such as unease with a friendship or relationship, a lurking sense you may not be living the life you want to live. And you’re stuck. So you keep moving; you connect.

What do we do when we see wasps? We run to avert the sting. We run from it before it gets us, waving our hands around and screaming, like we are on fire. We do this too in relationships, don’t we? We run from them or break up with people before they can break up with us. Or, we disparage ourselves and self-deprecate in front of others (okay, I do), so we can beat them to the punch. I hurt me before you hurt me.

Maybe we should stop and feel the burn, the pain.

I have a healing wasp sting on my wrist right now. It’s small in diameter, about two centimeters, and it’s pink from where I itched off the scab.

Sometimes a scab needs to be itched off to heal.

Doesn’t time heal all wounds? I’m waiting for an answer on that one. But I need to acknowledge these wounds first, in the stillness.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
#relationships, Motivation, Self-Help, Thoughts

Ten Things I Know So Far- Inspired by Anne Lamott

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Thanks to writer Anne Lamott, I’m inspired to write my own TEN THINGS I KNOW SO FAR:

1. No matter how tired, angry, drunk, crazy, loud, funny, sick, ragged and worn down you are, if you put on pearls, you always look just a little bit classier.

2. When a man wants to be with you, he will find you and contact you. There are no games. You’ll say, “I can’t believe how easy this was.” The ones who you cyber-stalk, who you tell your friends have “intimacy issues,” or ones who said they “will circle back” or fade out to the point you wonder if they got into an egregious accident and you need to check on them (um, yeah, true story) are not interested in you. Homework: read He’s Just Not That Into You.

3. Everything is better with bacon and grapefruit or coconut seltzer water. Not together, of course. Well, maybe. Must try.

4. Wherever you go, there you are; You can run, but you can’t hide; what’s the common denominator here? All those sayings are true. No matter how many times I’ve pulled a geographic, be it physical, as in moving from the city to the country, or leaving a relationship, or changing a job, I’m still me with the same old stuff. Sometimes, these moves can fix a circumstance, but they can’t fix me. I can only do that. My homework.

5. Uber is a beautiful thing. Except when it’s used as an adjective. Same thing with epic.

6. We are all a work in progress, and we will be for eternity. You can always be better—to yourself, your family, your friends, your community. There’s never been a day that I’ve said, “I’m all set. I’m good now.”

7. Circle the wagons when it comes to friendships. Too many can make you feel lost at sea. Have your core, your circle, and let them in, tell them all. If a circle is too big, it pops, and you’re left with a line. (Wait, that sounds kind of deep. I don’t think it is, but maybe).

8. You’re only as old as you feel…until you can’t fit into your jeans that you wore when you turned forty and had just had a baby. Then, you’re me. And you realize you’re not 28. #wishfuljeaning. This brings me to my next point: don’t buy all new clothes when you can’t fit into the old ones. Even if you’re still too large for them, just keep them in heaps folded on the top of your closet to serve as thin-spiration. Then, one day, you can lob them all into a bag, bring them to the goodwill or local service center, and go eat an Italian sub.

9. Guys and girls can’t be just friends, if either of them is single and/or attractive. Okay, this can be argued. However, I have found that lots of my “friends” seemed to disappear when I got married or in long term relationships. Usually, one crushes out on the other, even if the other is blind to it, or pretends not to see it. Harry was right.

10. There is only one you. (well, unless you’re me, and you get told you look like someone they went to camp with, work with, are related to, or saw driving earlier, on a daily basis).

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