#marriage, #relationships, Uncategorized

An Epiphany: The Pina Colada Song is All Sorts of Wrong!

pina colada

My daughter found an old iPad with only three songs on it, one of which is Escape, better known as “The Pina Colada Song.” This has always been a favorite of mine, particularly for karaoke, as I know all the words. But, the more we listened to it this weekend, over and over, the more I thought, “What a horrid message is in this song. I hate this couple!”

I mean, think about it: He was “tired of his lady; they’d been together too long…” So “while she lay there sleeping,” he buys a personal ad looking for love. Like, why can’t he just watch Bachelor in Paradise or something, like I do, when I’m home on the couch looking for romance? (I guess this ad is the equivalent of swiping on Tinder or Bumble–without a photo. Can you imagine??).  Then, fast forward to meeting her on the blind date at O’Malley’s the next day and realizing it’s his tired old ball and chain.

And this is part where I am utterly incredulous!

He says, “Oh, it’s you!”

That’s it? That’s all he has to say?

And it gets worse: then they both LAUGHED for a moment and said, “I never knew…(hit loud music) …that you liked Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain…”

Okay, stop right here. Screeeeeeech!

Seriously. Who would, like, shrug and just say, “Oh my GOSH! I never knew!” (insert hair flip and head back guffawing) when they saw their disgruntled old spouse show up for the date?

I’d be like, “Oh hell ‘naw!” and toss that pina colada in his face! Then, I’d tell him to pack his bags, and that he best like getting caught in the rain-cause he’s gonna be out in ithomeless. Pack your galoshes.

Not to mention, I’d be pissed that I was looking for some hottie, and it was my same old spouse that I was sick of! (But that’s not the point. The point is that he has no business being sick of ME! Am I right?)

It’s just not realistic.

But, perhaps, this is why it’s called Escape. It’s an escape from reality. Except that this couple was just planning to run off with the person from the personal ad. Which, ya know, if you like a good pina colada and making love in the dunes of the cape isn’t such a bad idea…except it IS making love at midnight, and that’s kinda late…Just saying.

Anyway.

In case you forgot the words:
“I was tired of my lady, we´d been together too long
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read
“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you´re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I´m the love that you´ve looked for, write to me, and escape”
I didn´t think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I´m nobody´s poet, I thought it wasn´t half bad
“Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
I´m not much into health food, I am into champagne
I´ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O’Malley’s, where we´ll plan our escape”
So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, “Oh, it´s you”
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, “I never knew”
“That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
You´re the love that I´ve looked for, come with me, and escape”
“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you´re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I’m the love that you’ve looked for, come with me, and escape”
Songwriters: Rupert Holmes
Escape (The Pina Colada Song) lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

 

#escape #pinacolada #relationships

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